the bewildering power of no

would you like to go

NO…..

But you didn’t know what i was going to

Say!….i did…..would like like to go to the movies(tongue in cheek)

HA…no i was going to say , would you like to borrow this book i was reading….

Ya right ;p

Having one more slug at narrating the experience of a depressive melancholic ecstatic schizoid…a boy turning his dinner over in his plate….his mother looking on in wondrous hopelessness…..The power of NO becomes a ship…setting out on a voyage wherever the self chooses to anchor itself in a YES….There is always a yes it seems….Hidden from view….The yes comes as cans of heavy beer in a park with a book…..In a brothel hardly able to walk straight…In solitary trips to the woods….in drunken shambles at public events….In lone trips out foreign to feel free…in glorifying ones own spiritual battle…in pretending to listen just long enough to fain coherency to another ..composed of shards of glass…..glass memories…..hiding out in a house for fear of daylight and the world of hope……conversations with who you want…not who wants you…..the self becomes anchored to a YES on its own terms….The world of NO’s are like taking breaths….it becomes ones existence….Spiraling deeper and deeper into the world of NO…..that Power it brings…That feeling of being IN-visible…..dying to melt…living to freeze

Be careful what you wish for….i used to have the childhood fantasy daydream of being the only kid on the planet….why….the beginnings of a tyrannical ego or the futile hope of no more plantery pain….Only “i” could know…..but alas my experience is none the wiser…filled with many hypotheses and crackpot theories yes, grounding NO….too much going on….fragmentary living played out as real…bluffing when there is no need to bluff…bankrupt but continuing under false names…..letting the illusion play out…its unrealness has become a reality in itself to escape….their is no need to escape….everything is perfect….all that surrounds you and supports you is just fucking awe inspiringly perfect…

 

 

 

 

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